Saturday, May 28, 2011

carl crawford sucks, and the red sox should throw him off the plane.

OK, not really. If they throw him off the plane then who the fuck are they going to bat in his place? Mike Cameron? Fuck that. Don't kill the man yet. Instead, let's build a time machine that will take us back to December 2010, so we can sign the right guy instead of this weak-wristed asshole. "But Tony, Carl Crawford can steal bases!" Shut the fuck up and listen. We don't need a base stealer when we have a lineup that can mash like this one does. What the Sox really needed was another power hitter to plug into that number 6 spot in the lineup.




Tell me which lineup looks better. This one, or the one we've been putting out there:

CF Ellsbury (L)
2B Pedroia (R)
3B Gonzalez (L)
1B Youkils (R)
DH Ortiz (L)
LF Werth (R)
RF Drew (L)
C  Saltalamacchia (S)
SS Lowrie (S)

The above lineup goes in perfect Left, Right, Left, Right order. Which is important when the other team wants to pitch a lefty specialist. Also, notice the insane amount of power in this lineup. Jayson Werth is the piece that makes all the difference. But alas, the Nationals payed the guy twice what he is actually worth--Oh, wait, the Sox paid Carl fucking Crawford twice what he was worth! And now we're stuck with this lopsided fucking lineup, where Francona can't figure out where the fuck to bat him.

Seriously, how the fuck do you even make the Sox lineup with this guy in it? He sucks at batting lead off, and has even publicly stated he hates doing it. It makes even less sense to put him in the order behind someone slow, which would negate his blazing speed. Do you bat him ninth? He's making a trillion dollars a year, there is no WAY he bats ninth. Third? Are you fucking kidding me?

Back in December everyone was so fucking pleased that we could bat Crawford 3rd. What were these fucking people thinking? Have you seen this guys stats? The third hitter on your team should be your BEST hitter. Gonzalez, Youkilis, Pedroia, Ortiz, and Ellsbury are all better hitters than Crawford. So where the fuck does that leave us? The Sox are being held hostage by this guys contract, and his speed.

The only logical decision would have been to sign Werth to bat 6th. Doubt me? Let's look at the fucking stats:

In the 2 years prior to this season, Jayson Werth had 63 HR's, a .900 OPS, 33 SB's.
In the same 2 prior to this season, Carl Crawford had 34 HR's, .830 OPS, and 107 SB's.

Jayson Werth is clearly the best choice for this lineup. I rest my fucking case.... But hold on, what about the option the Sox REALLY fucking missed out on? You know, the year that they signed John-8.0-ERA-Lackey? Check out THIS awesome fucking lineup, which also excludes Salty in favor of the catcher we should have kept. This lineup wins 120 games:


CF Ellsbury (L)
2B Pedroia (R)
3B Gonzalez (L)
LF M. Holliday (R)
1B Youkils (R)
DH Ortiz (L)
C  V. Martinez (S)
RF Drew (L)
SS Lowrie (S) 


Everyone wants to call Theo Epstein a genius. As far as free agency goes, he is clearly not. I give him all the credit in the world for building an excellent farm system(Ells, Youk, Pedroia, Paps, Bard, Buchholz, Lowrie, etc...). But we had two shots the past two seasons to build an unstoppable lineup. Instead, we're still trying to figure out where the fuck to put Crawford and his odd skill set.

Tune back in October when I analyze why we're going to win the World Series. :P

8 comments:

  1. I couldn't agree with you more. Get rid of him.

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  2. Hahahaha, I fucking love these write ups. Crisp and entertaining. I wish I knew more about baseball, all I know is go Sox, go Pats and fuckin' Go Bruins!!

    I just don't keep in touch with the game enough to know player names and what's really going on. But hell, that's why I come here, because you do it for me!

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  3. Wow, that was entertaining, even though i'm normally not into baseball and stuff, I enjoyed reading this... Really =D

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  4. I don't know enough about baseball.

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  5. Never liked him at all to be honest.

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  6. Go with your gut and if they lose blame someone else :S

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  7. Never liked this guy's style..dump him.

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